In two months and two weeks (give or take a few days) it will be my birthday. I will be 31. Last year I was really looking forward to my 30th, mainly because I knew my friends would be visiting and we were gonna have a good time. This year? I am dreading it. It may be a combination of a week after my birthday, that bitch roared through the gulf. Not soon after one of my friends passed away. Then I found out my grandpa wasn't doing so well. However, lately things have been going pretty good. So why dread a birthday? Its just a number right? Part of it may have to do with I am now feeling pretty settled here in New Orleans. For the first time in a long time, if not ever, I feel like I am where I need to be. Things seem to be going in a good direction. Do ya'll know where this is going yet? Everyonce in awhile, more often lately, I get that panicky feeling. The one that almost every woman has. Will I spend the rest of my life alone? I know I will always have my family and my friends. But I do start to wonder if I will ever get married and have kids. I really want to have kids. That number 31 scares me from time to time. What if I can't? What if I run out of time? Every once in awhile I look at it like this. Say I finally met the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with at the age of 31. Lets say we date for awhile....then engaged...finally married....then try for kids. I could be 35 before that happens. If I am lucky. I may not met anyone till I am 35....see this is my thought process. And it panicks me. I am not going to do something stupid like a person I knew back in college. It was on her birthday, she was turning 22 or 23 something like that and she said "this year I am going to meet someone and by this time next year I will be engaged." She wasn't dating anyone at the time. By the time her birthday rolled around the next year she was married. They had kids right away. They are now divorced. I have since lost contact with her, for all I know she is remarried. That is not something I want to do at all. I am definetly not beating any suitors away right now, which on most days? Its fine. I am a pretty independant person, but on other days? Holy cow. Watch out. I know there are other single people out there that feel the same way. I hope mom and dad don't mind a popsicle grandchild. ;)

Posted by: Stacey at 07:55 AM
Category: Freak Out , Unload Session